The Whole Business with Kiffo and the Pit Bull

My current obsession is this book of the same name by Barry Jonsberg - full of witty humour plus a generous dose of drama...consider the following, taken from Chapter Four: Conversations with the refrigerator


Dear Fridge,

The casserole was great! Thanks. However, I feel that our intimate dinner was something of a flop. I made the effort, God knows. Candles, mood music. But, frankly, you were not receptive to my conversational overtures. In fact, solid presence though you undoubtedly are in my life, I sometimes feel that our relationship is not what it once was.
We need to talk.
In the meantime, my new English teacher, a charming woman of considerable charisma, has requested my presence at an after-school meeting tomorrow. Would you be so kind as to sign the attached permission slip?
Your loving daughter,

Calma

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Dear Calma,

Permission slip signed. What have you been up to? Can you heat up a pizza for dinner tonight? I'm on late shift at the supermarket, so I'll have to straight to the pub. Will be home about two. Don't wake me, please.
Can you cut out the sarcasm in the notes? To be honest, I'm too tired to deal with it.
Love,

Mom

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Dear Fridge,

How can you be so cold-hearted?
Love,

Calma