The Singapore Theatre Festival has started! I'm in the middle of the
Swordfish run. Its been a great learning experience especially from director Ivan Heng, from how he greets everyone with a big smile and a "How are you?" at every rehearsal to how he keeps thanking everyone at the end of each day or for redoing a scene for the umpteenth time. Also, he knows what he wants and is able to perform it to the actors skilfully, and that makes things alot easier for us as the accompanying musicians. The constant show of appreciation and concern is very uplifting and morale boosting. Its something that all directors should learn. Unfortunately, not all directors do that. Some are hesitant about what they want, some come late, some just don't offer thanks to others who help cover their asses. I can't think of how many times we've had to that. I hate this feeling of resentment. I don't want to, but there is just simply no choice but to have to feel that way. It has happened way too many times and i'm now too tired to even feel angry. Its like whenever something happens, a missed cue or a wrong cue, I just feel a momentary spark of anger, and then this slow burn and then nothing.
I feel that if one is to be a successful director, one needs to be skilled at what he is directing. You need to be able to convey what you want. Also, a director, in performing with the rest of your ensemble, has to be up there with them, at their level. If you put Ivan with the rest of the company to act in this show, i'm sure he'd be one of the better, if not the best actor in the cast. I mean, thats how you get people to respect you. You don't just preach and not do. Pull your weight, if not, just direct and don't perform. And learn from your mistakes and try not to do it again? But this is just a dream. It hasn't come true yet. I still get my hopes up that this time will be different, things will be better, but always, as always, my hopes are dashed. Disappointment sets in. I don't know for how long more I can take it.
